Why Simply "Networking" Won't Suffice:

Playing the Long Game of Military Transition Through Authenticity and Maintaining Social Connection.

For nearly all of us, leaving the military creates a drop-off in social connection.

We say goodbye to the platoon, the team, the air-wing, whatever the case may be, and we create new lives for ourselves. Take new jobs and move into new neighborhoods.

In anticipation of this process, our community has become laser focused vocational transition. We stop at nothing to replace our incomes, advance our careers, and land on our feet financially.

We’re encourage each other to “network”, to spend time on LinkedIn, form “connections” and ask for “coffee chats.” All of which can open doors, create opportunity, and help us get where we want to go.

But how many authentic relationships exist when we get there? What steps are we taking to transition our access to social connection?

As far back as 350 BCE, Aristotle wrote that relationships (platonic relationships) almost always present in one of three forms: 

1. Friendships of utility. Friendships based in the potential for one person to do something for the other. A willingness to participate because of what someone can do for you, or you for them.

2. Friendships of pleasure. Friendships rooted in commonality. You share common interest or life’s circumstances have brought you together. Both parties are willing to invest out of convenience.

3. Friendships of virtue. Friendships based on admiration of character. You find your life is enhanced as a result of this relationship. You're willing to share your flaws, your true self, and press one another to become the best version of yourself.

Though not an absolute, much of what we’re doing when we "network" is increasing our quantity utility friendships. Despite, much of what we lose when we separate are those friendships of virtue.

If we think about transition over the long term, if our goal is to settle into a life of purpose and fulfillment, if we hope to be physically and mentally healthy for years to come, wouldn’t it make sense to spend as much time investing in friendships of virtue as we do in friendships of utility?

Somewhere along the way, it seems we’ve normalized the opposite.

As time passes since my own transition, I’ve realized an irony in all this. Over the long term, the more authentic your connections are, the more utility they bring.

We require these relationships and rely on them during life's biggest challenges. They invest in us as people, and we reciprocate. Not just this year, not only during this interview process, but for years to come.

If you're amidst transition right this minute, by all means grow your network, talk to everyone you can, but I encourage you to push through what is surface level.

Press your friendships of utility toward friendships of virtue.

For every minute you spend “networking” to replace your income, spend two replacing your access to social connection.