Why "Being" Beats "Doing" Anything After Life in the Military: Part Two, Where to Start.
Reducing apathy and finding satisfaction by defining everything except your job title.
In October, I published an article titled "Why Prioritize 'Being' Over 'Doing' Anything After Life in the Military," which argued that despite pressure to plan what we will 'do' post-military, satisfaction in our post-service lives relates more to our state of 'being' than any job title, advanced degree, or start-up idea.
I received a dozen or more responses supporting the idea; readers volunteered stories of lacking fulfillment amidst high-achievement careers in their post-separation lives.
In the world of self-development advice, and as someone who consumes numerous articles on this platform per week, it's great when an author identifies a previously unconsidered perspective or approach to a problem. What's more helpful, however, is the inclusion of a "how to"; steps we can take today to address the identified problem.
The problem, is that the "how to" for the prioritization of "being" over "doing" is not something I have entirely figured out yet.
Like an agreeable destination with an ambiguous path to get there, easier talked about than executed.
After a year of thinking about this concept, I can share the two exercises that have gotten me closer. A friend recommended the first, and the second is a time management framework that seems to be gaining popularity.
One: "Dreamlining."
Take thirty minutes in the coming days and write down everything you can about what an ideal, average Tuesday morning looks like ten years in the future.
Notice as many small details as possible about this day, EXCEPT for your job title. Field or industry is OK, but avoid titles such as "Vice President at X tech company."
Start with where you imagine this day starting. Where is your house? What does that house look like? How much does this house cost?
What does the first hour of the day look like? Where is your spouse? Where are your kids? What does their day look like?
What does the first hour of the day look like? Are you going into an office on this day? Maybe you work from home or no longer work at all?
Do you manage people? How many? Are you interested in the contents of the day's work? What purpose does the work you do have? Has it made you wealthy?
What can you say of your physical body? How is your health?
Describe as many details as you can. Dream big, remember this is an ideal outcome on an average day; average only because this is not meant to define your perfect vacation.
This exercise was recommended to me at a time when I was considering a career shift, feeling apathetic after brainstorming different titles that I might like to pursue. The exercise serves multiple purposes; it requires we consider a future state of "being" without defining what we "do."
Second, it presents an opportunity to identify pursuits, relationships, and habits that we pursue but do not exist in this eventual ideal life.
Third, Dreamlining helps us establish goalposts. Defining what satisfaction is for yourself will eliminate the likelihood of an endless pursuit of a little bit nicer house, a slightly better car, and working just for the sake of work.
This exercise is as much about identifying what we don’t want, as it is about defining what we do.
Two: Apply the Dreamline to the Eisenhower Matrix.
A Google search of "Eisenhower Box" will bring up more explanations on time management than you would ever want to know; however, the concept is fairly simple.
The idea is to place all tasks in one of four boxes defined by placing "Urgent/Non-Urgent" on the X-axis and "Important/Not-Important" on the Y-axis.
The box can be helpful for many reasons: understanding how to use our time best, when to delegate, and when to ignore. However, for this article, we focus specifically on the "Important / Non-Urgent" box.
The only way to arrive at our "Dreamline" outcome is to consciously invest in tasks that belong in this box.
These are big-picture projects, ideas, and relationships that bring us closer to where we want to be but are not required to be done today.
This takes discipline and planning. After all, the work can be done tomorrow, next week, next year. What's intuitive, for obvious reasons, is to prioritize what's "Important and Urgent." These are essential things that need to be done now.
However, the consequence of spending little time progressing what's "Important and Non-Urgent" is a life stuck "doing" at the expense of "being."
Your "Dreamline" outcome requires investment in what's "Important / Non-Urgent."
Punchline: The doing and the artifacts of that doing are only derivatives of how you exist in the world and who you truly are for your family, your profession and your life.
If asking, “what will I do after my time in the military?”, the prioritization of a healthy state of “being” is likely to yield greater satisfaction, than any combination of “doing.”
The art for this post was created by Sarah Rossetti “Invader Girl” and can be found at
https://www.invadergirlart.com/
Note: If you’re interested in more on the benefits of “Dreamlining” check out the “Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferris.
Ferriss, T. (2007). The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich. Crown.
Great post Ben!