Separation from Service, Your Chance to Inventory Old Ideas.
It’s not uncommon for notoriously demanding military courses to conclude with notoriously uneventful ceremonies. On the day of my own, my classmates and I filled the two dozen chairs of an unmemorable classroom and waited for someone to address us. One of the cadre members eventually appeared and informed us that the command’s senior enlisted wished to deliver a few words. I received a lot of valuable advice during that time, but the message that morning, the final guidance of the six-month course, is something I’ve kept top of mind ever since.
“It’s over” he said. “Take your five minutes, not a minute more.”
We graduated on a Friday, so for us, five minutes meant the weekend, however the time interval isn't important. What is important and the message being conveyed was to acknowledge the accomplishment, celebrate if you wish, but be able to sever and begin the next phase of training (or life) unaffected. He went on to explain that in the role we were pursuing, the ability to “take five” would be far more necessary in the application to failures and negative outcomes, than it would be for positive ones. The ability to acknowledge, process, and move forward would be critical for anyone seeking longevity.
For me to advise that transitioning military members should be in control of their wins and losses seems hardly profound. No different than suggesting that one take a look at their ego upon separation. What I’ve noticed however, is the willingness of transitioning service members to take with them ideas and beliefs about themselves that have little or no relevance, or perhaps have exceeded their expiration date. Ideas that my civilian peers seem to benefit by letting go of or replacing.
Occasionally I’ll speak with someone with more than a dozen years of service, who has a belief about their academic ability, that’s based on their performance in high school. Serving in the military is highly formative and for many a time of re-invention; let that be a positive. Veterans, myself included, seem quick to disqualify themselves from positions based on technical know-how, never realizing the reality that hiring managers are often looking to the Vet community for their problem-solving ability or leadership experience.
By declining to pursue opportunities outside the lens of our military occupation, despite where our interests my lie, we avoid having to admit that maybe we don’t know exactly what we want to do (something I’ve observed to be more difficult amongst senior ranks). However, by engaging in self-discovery and expelling ideas that no longer serve us, we decrease the chance of transitioning from one unfulfilling job to another.
Though it requires humility and a willingness to do hard work, I've found that the same people who realize high levels of fulfillment post-service are the same individuals who are willing to let go of the most. They were able to take on the title of student (not necessarily in academia) and embraced the idea of a new chapter, a shift in perspective that will challenge those who, admit it or not, derive much of their identity from having participated in the Special Operations community.
“You cannot learn that what you think you already know” Epictetus.
In closing, the skills and experiences you developed in the military are absolutely an asset. The confidence and lessons learned should absolutely follow you. However, any idea or belief which remains fixed to an accomplishment or shortcoming too far in the past may become a detriment as you transition. My experience has shown me that, for better or worse, our civilian peers forgive and forget faster than we Veterans do. Perhaps we stand to go further as civilians if we allow ourselves some grace and/or ego re-align every once in a while. If you’re transitioning or have recently done so, take inventory of the ideas and beliefs you have about yourself. Did any of those ideas originate a decade ago? Are they still serving you? Do people still care? If not, five minutes might be up.
The art for this post was created by Sarah Rossetti “Invader Girl” and can be found at
https://www.invadergirlart.com/