Finding Purpose: What Makes it Difficult and Why You Should do it Anyway.

What Jon Batiste, Beethoven, and Making Mistakes Teaches us About Life, Career, and Uncertainty.

“When you talk to these people… You have to make it clear, you want the job they’re offering."

That was advice a former teammate once gave me around the time I was separating from the Navy.

"So, tell them I was a SEAL, and now what I want is to get out and work as a Finance Analyst? You think they believe that?"

"You told me that is what you want. Is it not?"

The question made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure how to answer, wasn’t sure what I wanted, wasn’t sure of anything, really.

"Listen." He said. "If you do want the job, then yes. Tell them that. Sell yourself."

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Last month, I spent Christmas at my mother-in-law's in Nolensville, Tennessee, a quiet town south of Nashville amidst its own TRANSITION from rural south to a place filled with newly-built cul-de-sacs - purchased by those priced out of the city.

In the days between Christmas and New Year's, I forced myself to finish the manuscript I'd been working on since February. It was initially was supposed to be done by October, but then in was November, and then somehow, January 1st.

One of the days, I wrote almost the entire day. Around dark, I decided to go for a jog in order to release a bit of the discomfort that comes from sitting in a chair all day.

Behind the house is a long stretch of woods, and behind that is Nolensville High School, their football field, and a track that surrounds it. I ran a dozen laps while listening to an interview between Lisa Witt and the pianist Jon Batiste, discussing Batiste's recently released album "Beethoven and the Blues."

"I think about the culture around classical music and I think about the culture around blues music; it feels like a bit of an unlikely pairing," Witt told the New Orleans-born musician. "How did you think to put those two together?"

"It's me." He told her. "You have to find your sound. It's already with you, but you have to meet yourself - you have to discover yourself.”

The tone of her response tells you she was less than convinced. “That sounds great,” She tells him “but how does a person do that?”

“You have to be okay with sounding bad for a long time. Even if you’ve been playing for years, if it excites you, or even if it doesn't, if it's experimental for you, do it."

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Immediately I was thinking about what I'd written that day. About the novel in general. If it it did, what was it?

Every good writer has a sound, "voice," I remember telling myself.

The whole thing ended up stuck in my head for a few days. I was thinking about while editing and while reading other peoples work. I considered what else it might relate to; other parts of life, career, and all the ways a person chooses to spend their time.

Perhaps, sound and voice are just words that artists use – stand-ins for “understanding” or knowing one's authentic self. Maybe “finding your sound” is worth more than solving what a person should play on the piano, maybe it’s the way to solve for a lot of uncertainty.

Maybe the pain and discomfort I felt during that phone call in 2019, was the product of never having tried. Never having considered the question.

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I realize that suggesting someone "find their sound" amidst a crisis of uncertainty is probably frustrating. It’s abstract, and lacks any immediate pragmatism. When I personally needed to hear it, I also needed a job – a way to pay my mortgage.

The problem is that for many, your "sound" has been jet noise, artillery cannons, and the hum of generators ever since you were in your late teens or early twentis. That’s what service requires, in some ways, that’s what it is.

Military service is about team, the strength of the collective, almost never asking for individuals. Uncertainty should be expected; the consequence of putting team above self for a long long time.

“It’s an introduction to yourself.” Batiste goes on to tell Witt. “I spent a long time just playing the top two octaves of the piano. Eventually I started to find some sounds I like…. Something is here. There's something here for me."

The truth is that all of this IS abstract. It’s a long-term game. There’s likely nothing you can do tomorrow, that will reveal all the answers, all at once.

If there is, someone tell me.

What I have figured out (mostly through writing), is that:

• It takes an incredible amount of energy to succeed, pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s a slow, painful way to live.

• You might have to do “a” job, just for the purpose of gaining clues as to where to find “the” job. Most people do. Most highly successful people do and there’s nothing wrong with that.

• Keep moving. “If it’s interesting to you, or even if it’s not, if it’s experimental for you, do it.” Recognize when something is certainly "not your sound." Learn to say no, even if it cost you a couple bucks.

• A lot of great things sound ridiculous until they’re not anymore.

Navigating uncertainty, finding your purpose, it requires a lot of adjustments. It requires "sounding bad for a long time.” And it requires a lot of hard work.

Whether you’re facing uncertainty today or not, eventually it’s coming. Do the work. Find your sound. Don’t find yourself flat-footed, confused, asking a friend to help you get a job you don’t even want.

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