Confronting Ego: What Makes it Difficult and Why You Should Do it Anyway.

What the Hero's Journey, River Crossings, and Wooden Boxes Show us About the Role of Ego During Life's TRANSITIONS.

The most challenging part of my own "TRANSITION" took place about two-years after I was already separated from the Navy.

A period I now realize aligns with the start of this Substack.

In retrospect, I'm convinced much of it and much of every TRANSITION in life, has more to do with ego than one my care to admit.

For most of my life, I saw ego as something negative—a cousin of narcissism, the source of overconfidence and arrogance. Only recently have I considered that ego might have another cousin, identity. The part of us that tells us, "This is who I am, this is where I belong."

Consider this seventy-five-year-old story which, at only two-hundred-fifty words, has inspired countless protagonists. (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Batman…)

"I was walking alone around the upper end of a large city, through slummy, muddy streets lined with hard little houses. I didn't know where I was - but liked the exploring.

I chose one street which was terribly muddy and led across what must have been an open sewer. I followed along between rows of chanty's and then discovered a little river flowing between me and some home high fern ground, where there was a paved street. This was a nice, perfectly clear river flowing over grass. I could see the grass moving under the water.

There was no way to cross. So, I went to a little house and asked for a boat. A man there said of course he could help me cross. He brought out a small wooden box which he put on the edge of the river and I saw at once, that with this box, I could easily jump across.

I knew all danger was over and wanted to reward the man.

In thinking of this dream, I have a feeling that I did not have to go where I was at all, but could have chosen a comfortable walk along paved streets. I had gone to the squalled and muddy district because I preferred adventure, and having begun, I had to go on.

When I think of how persistently I kept going, it seems as though I must have known there was something fine ahead, like that grassy river and the secure paved road beyond.

Perhaps some of us have to go through dark and devious ways before we can cross the river of peace or the high road to our ultimate destination."

This story appears in chapter one of Joseph Campbell's "The Hero With a Thousand Faces." A prologue of sorts, demonstrating the seventeen stages of the "Hero's Journey" before each is explained in later chapters.

If you ask people what the story is about, you will likely get many answers. It's a call to depart one's comfort zone; it's about walking your own path in life, about courage, perseverance, returning from combat, or even achieving peace.

Perhaps all those things are true—each "crossing," each TRANSITION, holds its own meaning.

But to me, this story is about ego.

Not the kind of ego that makes someone arrogant, but the kind that holds tight to who we are. That which makes us proud. So far down the muddy street, you just assume stay, rather than do the required hard work.

Consider the woman's story in four parts.

1. She leaves safety for adventure, for the unknown. "I have a feeling that I did not have to go where I was at all, but could have chosen a comfortable walk along paved streets." I suspect that for most reading this, and for many veterans, this part of the journey is behind you. For some, "I chose one street that was terribly muddy" will resonate.

2. She realizes that while her adventure has been enjoyable/productive, she should not remain on the slummy/muddy side forever. "I discovered a little river flowing between me and some home high fern ground, where there was a paved street." It’s common, we obtain a taste for the muddy/slummy side of the river. The decision to TRANSITION is tough. We become so used to life in the mud - living outside our comfort zone - the mud in itself becomes the comfort zone. "I think of how persistently I kept going, it seems as though I must have known there was something fine ahead like that grassy river and the secure paved road beyond."

3. She realizes she cannot cross alone, needs help, and asks for it. "There was no way to cross. So, I went to a little house and asked for a boat." This requires understanding ego, humility, and what I believe to be the hardest part of the process.

4. She returns, seeing more clearly, content, able to make sense of it all. "In thinking of this dream, I have a feeling that I did not have to go where I was at all, but could have chosen a comfortable walk along paved streets. I had gone to the squalled and muddy district because I preferred adventure, and having begun, I had to go on."

The woman in the story seemingly has no ego. She tells us, "There was no way to cross. So, I went to a little house and asked for a boat."

But for many, and as it was for me, the reason hardship comes - not weeks or months after separation - but often years, has much to do with our willingness to remain on the "dark and devious" side of the river. Often proud of time spent there; able to find comfort amidst it.

I gained so much from my time in the "across the river", I just assumed stay. "I much enjoyed the exploring."

What happens next in this story is what makes “the dreamer” truly great. Upon asking for the boat, the man, instead provides her with a wooden box. She sees "that with this box, I could easily jump across."

Because of her willingness to ask for help, she receives something unexpected.

This seems common in life’s TRANSITION’s, and in the Vet space, I’m noticing it more than ever. Through psychedelics, outdoor recreation therapy, creative pursuits, and many other things—all of which start when ego stops, when we allow ourselves to engage with something greater than ourselves, outside ourselves.

For me, it’s been a mixture of things. The "box" was revealed in many ways through writing. In others, through my daughters, in parenting a deaf child.

It’s possible, at some point we might believe we're on one side of the river and, in fact, we're on the opposite. Maybe that's true for me. However, by considering your ego and understanding its role in the TRANSITION process, you're better equipped; more likely to find a place in which you "can easily jump across."

If you're on the "dark and devious" side of the river, holding tight to who you are - apathetic, perhaps drinking more than you should, dealing with depression - show yourself grace - it's a road traveled by many.

Consider what role your ego might play.

"Some of us have to go through dark and devious ways before we can cross the river of peace, the high road to our ultimate destination."

Do the work, engage with something/someone outside yourself, and start crossing.

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Campbell, Joseph. The Hero with a Thousand Faces. New World Library, 2008.

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